I get no respect.
There’s a reason for this hole in my heart.
No one recommends four donuts a day. Worse, the American Heart Association says Americans consume too much sugar.
Do you doubt me?
Look inside this average American Refrigerator. What do you see?
It’s full of fruits and vegetables, including just-prepared butternut squash. The owners are so ashamed of us that they hide us away in a lower compartment and only pull us out for special occasions. Carbohydrates made this country what it is, and now we are being pushed aside. The newcomers are taking over.
My spies have told me that just in the last week, this family has eaten spinach, beets, potatoes (sweet for her and Yukon Gold for him), broccoli, brussels sprouts, onions, tomatoes, corn, and black and white beans.
And the only pastry was a croissant, the namby-pamby French, so it doesn’t count.
It’s not only that.
They flaunt their pro-vegetable agenda.
And they’re not alone. I’ve heard there’s talk of a second Community Garden. The old world has been upended. And don’t get me started on the twice-a-week Farmer’s Market and the Co-Op that buys local.
It’s all a Communist plot.
And, mind you, it’s not just the stolen 2020 election, phony mail-in-ballot voting, and the enemy press. The conspiracy is bigger than that.
The whole system is rigged against my kind, the real American food. It really is SDS, Sugar Derangement Syndrome.
I’m sick and tired of this, and I’m not going to take it anymore.
It’s the donut, not the legume, that will make America Great Again!
Coming Very Soon: A Dunkin’ Donut Franchise in the White House, next to the Oval Office, with seating in the newly paved Rose Garden. And the arch you’ve heard about, well, I’ve decided there will now be two, both Golden.
