NO BAT APPEARED IN PAUL’S HOUSE

Every morning, I get up around 4 AM. Go ahead, get your magnifying glass. The Bose radio stereo clock shows 4:19.

This morning, I slept in.

Because I was worried, as usual.

About the bat.

That appeared 190 days ago.

It was the first bat in my house since I purchased it on July 15, 2000 or 8,536 days ago.

We used a blanket to persuade Count Dracula to find another crypt.

Our neighbors Ed and Carol told us they spent $500 to seal their house against the nocturnal enemy.

You and Rebecca can have the badminton racket. It worked better than a blanket.

Each morning for 190 days, as I come out the door just to the left of the ready-for-action racket and flip on the under-the-counter light, I glance up at the ceiling, expecting to see the oval flight pattern, and hear that dastardly flutter. My right hand twitches, ready.

But again, this morning

NO BAT APPEARED IN PAUL’S HOUSE.

So we spent our $500 bat prevention money on an extended warranty for the new refrigerator.