“We need to be touched by something better within us”

“My favorite movie is South Pacific,” said Deb, among the reddest of the reds. “That’s my favorite movie too” chimed this bluest of the blues’ whose heart began to melt, just a bit.

A problem and a solution

I belong to a small group of reds (Republicans) and blues (Democrats) who have been meeting once a month on Zoom for a year. We call ourselves Braver Summit, an 18 person off-shoot of Braver Angels. Braver Angels, with a membership of 10,000, was created in 2016 in response to America’s descent into poisoned politics.

The title of this blog is Lauren’s reason for joining the Braver groups. Lauren is blue-leaning and in an email conversation she said:

As a blue-leaning person in a red-leaning family, I often have found myself having challenging, reactive, and unproductive conversations. As someone with a psychology and counseling background, I honestly felt ashamed. I was desperate to find a better way.

Red-leaning Peter, co-founder of Summit along with me, writes:

This is personal for me. I have two sons. My conservative political leanings offend their liberal leanings and so our relationships have been deeply compromised by political difference.

I met Peter at the first Braver Angel’s workshop I attended. This blog’s subtitle is the heart of Braver’s philosophy built upon Abraham Lincoln’s plea to America’s southern states at the end of his first Inaugural Address in 1861:

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chores of the union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

First Inaugural Address of Abraham Lincoln, from the Avalon Project, Yale Law School

I joined Braver Angels and helped found Braver Summit because I did not like who I had become when faced with someone on the other side. Red friends had become enemies. That’s not good for me or my country. Echoing Lauren, I thought “there’s got to be a better way.”

Braver seemed a path to a better America and a better me.

What Braver Summit does

We begin each Braver Summit meeting with an ice-breaker, something simple, and unrelated to politics. At our April meeting, when red-Deb said South Pacific, blue-Paul forgot Zoom queue etiquette and hollered me too. More important, he saw something he and Deb had in common. Yeah, a small thing, but a reminder that politics is only one part of who each of us is.

After the ice breaker, we build each of our monthly meetings around exercises that focus on listening and finding common ground. For example, we asked group members to come to the April meeting prepared to describe three things they feared about the other side. Each side convened to come up with their top three fears, while the other side was muted and listening.

Then the reds (blues) were tasked to develop responses to the blue-fears (red-fears) while the blues (reds) observed. Our group of 18 then came together to talk about what each of us had learned. On that April evening, I learned my red friends fear an authoritarian left. They learned we blues fear an authoritarian right.

Over the past year, Braver Summit has had sessions on abortion, race, war and January 6th. In June and July, we will tackle gun violence.

A year of living dangerously

It’s not easy to listen to the other side. That’s the Braver part of Braver Angels. My stomach still tightens before every meeting. What’s the angel side? I asked a few members to describe why they want to stay in our group.

My relationship with my sons remains strained. I now have a new perspective on it all, though. I have taken to reading both the New York Times and Wall Street Journal daily, to keep a broader view of issues and ideas.

Peter, red-leaning

I am amazed at the places in my life where the concepts of Braver Angels unexpectedly appear. I attended a virtual Yom Kippur service at Central Synagogue in Fall 2021. During the sermon the Rabbi shared about two people who ‘were willing to sit in the discomfort of dissent and even doubt…because they knew their debates were in the service of something bigger than themselves and only by listening to opposing views could they arrive at a conclusion that transcends either of their original positions.’ (Rabbi Angela Buchdahl, September 15, 2021)

Lauren, blue-leaning

I learned that, after getting to know the people, it is easier to appreciate where they come from. Seems pretty trite. Now a goal might be to listen better to complete strangers.

Mike, red-leaning

Me? Now, when Deb’s face appears, I see a kindred spirit who happens to be on the other team. But the game needs both of our teams.