I discovered this Jefferson quote from a book I am reading, How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide by Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay.

Yesterday, a delightful memory filled FaceTime talk with old friends. A week ago an edgy chat with a new friend. Last month, a comfortable lunch confab with a brother. Three conversations where all acknowledged the dangers of talking about what Jefferson called “differences of opinion in politics,” before moving on to other things. I’ll bet you have had similar experiences, with friends and family, who disagree with you about politics.

I have strong political opinions, biases if you will. My old & new friends and my brother have as well, their own biases, and they all identify with the ‘other’ American political party. Interestingly, I would bet if those three were put in a room and told to talk about President Trump very quickly differences would surface and they might have to stop talking lest ruin the chance of losing a new found friend.

Some of my Sanders and Warren Facebook friends have lost patience with my Buttigieg-based counter points to their posts. No de-friending yet but I have taken the hint and backed off.

I am tempted to blame Mr. Trump for deepening and intensifying our tribal and intra-tribal differences so much so as to affect our friendships. I know, I know, some who will read this post will say Mr. Obama was equally at fault! A fair point and some truth to both assertions.

The Political Scientist in me would make three general points about politics. One, politics is all about working out our real differences in a peaceful way. Differences and conflict, in other words, are why we have politics. Two, politics is about different world views, influenced by different moral perspectives. Three, my political identity – and the political identity of my friends and brother – is naturally energized by the opposing political groups.

I think what frustrates many of us is that we lose sight of these points and think politics ought to remedy our differences or that as a mature democracy, at this political business for 200+ years, we should somehow have come together as one people. This misunderstanding of politics, at a personal level, means that I believe you should see the world as I do and you believe the same. We mistakenly idolize a false political god, unity.

Friendship is about commonalities; politics is about differences. You and I are made up of multiples, with a part of each of us in need of friends, and a part in need of politics, a way of working out our public differences.

America’s polarized politics gives us a chance to reflect upon the wondrous complexity of each of us, personally and politically.