
This story was published in Medium’s The Challenged.
Meet my mother and father, Dody and Paul Gardner, in 1951, two years after I was born. They’re sitting in the living room of the only house they ever owned. My mom, who died at 95 in 2017, would live in the house for 64 years. Dad died of sinus cancer in 1993.
He thought this unusual and hard-to-diagnose disease might have been linked to his work as an engineer in the fifties on the development of water-based paint. A few months before his death, he built a railing for the stairway into the basement to protect my mom as she aged from her Monday washing sorties: “You’ll live another 25 years, and this will protect you.” He was off by one year, and she never stumbled on those steep stairs.
“They kept her young,” she said about her equivalently aged, widowed, and laundering mother, marching up and down her basement steps.
Resilience!
It’s in my genes.
By the way, they’re sitting on a Hide-a-Bed in what would double as a bedroom for a decade until a two-story addition was added to our modest 1200-square-foot house. I remember watching Romper Room and Captain Midnight from that springy perch.
If you’re an early Baby Boomer like me, you might remember the transparent plastic screens you could lay over the TV screen in the Magic Mirror segment of Romper. Or, after the throwing-up part of the flu passed, sipping Seven-up and eating soda crackers as you watched I Love Lucy reruns.
I always felt loved and taken care of. Even though neither of my parents ever said the words.
My parents were not perfect. That’s no surprise to you, I’m sure. The norms of mid-20th century America bound them. My Catholic mother was apoplectic about Sharon, my first girlfriend, who happened to be Jewish.
My rural Iowa-raised father once referred to Nat King Cole as a “good Negro.” This might have occurred after one of our family dinners at his parents’ farm, where his siblings routinely used the pejorative N-word. I never heard him use that epithet. Perhaps, ‘good Negro,’ was pushing the edge for him and a lesson for his three sons.
And my devout Pope-loving mother never disparaged Jews or Judaism. She knew the difficulty of what was then called mixed marriage, having married an agnostic, Protestant man, as did her mother.
Our parents come from a different time. They pass along their wisdom. And, if we’re lucky, they provide us with enough love and safety to live in what will always be a new world.
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